When two fall in love,
immediately after they give
their hearts to each other,
it’s all roses, it’s candle light,
it is a romantic experience,
it is the best fit, it is juicy,
it is sexy, it is hot,
the hormones go haywire,
the hormones get thrown into a blender;
the movie of the love birds
plays 24/7 in their heads,
daydreaming about
the precious little moments together,
and the mementos.
But in the restless world
that we live in today,
when two fall in love,
the initial flame soon dies down;
love ends before it’s begun;
and the many hot moonlight kisses,
cool in the warmth of the sun.
All of a sudden, the rosy love gives way to:
“the toilet paper is on the wrong way;
you are boring; your breath smells;
you fart too much in bed;
you wake me up when you snore too loud;
close the door when
you’re in the bathroom;
you spit out the toothpaste
from the wrong end;
you always leave the toilet seat up,
do you want me to swim in the toilet?;
you forgot the birthday/anniversary;
you leave drawers open;
you breath too loud,
you leave dirty clothes everywhere;
you do not change the toilet paper roll
after using the last of it”.
And so love becomes a broken heart;
but it doesn’t have to end that way;
when two are truly in love
and have reached this level of loathe,
and love is no longer rosy and romantic,
it is the realization that
even roses have thorns;
it is the everyday unsexy stuff
where real love has to take root
and make the love endure
the small fights and the
meaningless stupid misunderstandings.
When two are seriously in love,
the trick to a long-term relationship
is to deliberately reserve energy
for dialogue, and peace.
Real love does not remain
on top of the mountain
of the majestic magical
encounter and romance;
but it shows up in the valley, so to speak,
of the everyday normal existence.
Real love keeps the mouth shut;
it picks up the kids on time;
it cooks the dinner on time;
it washes the clothes on time;
it shares the duty on time;
it saves resources for the family;
it generates trust with the significant other;
In other words,
when two experience real love,
the performance of love
is the real reckoning
in a systemic structural way
with the truths that have been revealed.
When two are seriously in love,
but the love is unsexy,
the two’ve got to talk every day;
and they can not be too discouraged;
the pendulum has swung
from the hot love end,
to the lukewarm love end,
but they have to maintain
their commitment to saying,
“I’m not going to be discouraged
because we don’t have roses
and candle lights,
we’ll make do with date night,
we’ll figure out a ritual of accountability;
we’ll figure out the rhythm
of our mutual engagement,
with truth; with friends,
and with our accomplices.
We’ll allow our love
to blossom further
by paying attention,
by kuvumiliana,
and by making it happen.
We’ll refuse to give up too soon;
we’ll be determined to see this
through the long haul;
because the two of us
truly fell in true love,
and in true love
shall we remain fallen.
Tumeamua.
So help us God
